I want to confront the fear of my third death. Not the death when my heart stops beating, not the death where my body ceases to exist, but the death consisting of thought – the last time I am remembered. 

 

In order to address my personal death denial, I began familiarizing myself with the first two types of dying. I explored concrete elements of the funeral industry as a way to approach my abstract fears.  Examining interiors of funeral homes, I noticed an abundance of pink. Funeral directors use pink light to give bodies the illusion of a healthier flesh tone. The fabricated spaces mimic a domestic interior. The decor echoes the unnatural practices that humans use to preserve the deceased. 

 

Deeper into the project, I held embalming instruments from the prep room. Each tool represented part of a process. Understanding steps to the body’s “preparation” stripped emotion from the experience, allowing a less intimidating way to digest the concept of my own death. My nonexistence is inevitable but my relationship with mortality continues to evolve.